No seriously. Wait. What? Why in the hell do you have stars on your cheeks and a Tweety Bird on your neck?
Don’t get me wrong. Body art is something that is very personal, but just like everything in life, if I think it’s ridiculous, I will make a joke out of it. Usually I would assert the position of “Oh you have tattoos? Let me remove all my clothes.” Luckily for me, my boyfriend has quite the assortment of ink, none of which include Looney Tunes, Calvin and Hobbs, or something randomly picked off the shop’s wall on his 18th birthday, so this is a hypothetical letter to the man who just decided it was OK to hit on me while I am at work:
I am calling you Raul because I just happen to think that is a funny name. What about me quietly typing at my desk said “Please come interrupt me”? Or tell me how “I gots it goin’ on”? I must warn you, I am most lethal when I am calm and smiling. Yet, if you feel the need to show off in front of your “bro”, I cannot stop your stupidity. Though, I have the sudden urge to hit you in the face with a Clue-By-Four, this was even more evident as I walked away. You must have misinterpreted me quickly evacuating the area as an invitation to follow me and continue rambling about your stupid life.
So….again….for the 9th time, I will NOT be attending this “thang” at the bowling alley. And as for that Monster Energy tattoo on your shoulder… It really tells me what I need to know about your addiction to meth and predilection for poor life choices .
Try me asshole, I define unstable.